Acupressure For Lovers Excerpts
Inhibited Sexual Desire
Inhibited sexual desire is simply the inability to enjoy normal sexual
activities. It affects both men and women. Until recently, the condition
was popularly known as "frigidity," which is now recognized as an
inappropriate term. As the American Medical Association notes in its
Encyclopedia of Medicine, "The term has been used almost exclusively
with reference to women and is now being discouraged because of its
negative connotations—blaming a woman for something that may
exist only in the mind of her partner." The Encyclopedia also distinguishes between inhibited sexual desire and anorgasmia—failure to
Inhibited sexual desire is often the result of sexual wounds. Once
any part of your body is wounded, it becomes vulnerable and hyper
sensitive, needing extreme protection. During the initial state of
shock, the muscles, tendons, and ligaments surrounding the area
tense up as a protective response. Often this constriction remains long
after the physical wound heals. The scars can hamper the body for
years. Therapeutic massage and bodywork, along with counseling or
therapy, can release the chronic tension.
When a man or woman is sexually wounded, the trauma may
affect both body and mind. This is because there is a strong
connection between the genitals and emotions, a link acknowledged
in traditional Chinese medicine for thousands of years. (Practitioners
of traditional Chinese medicine note that the kidney, pericardium,
and triple warmer energy pathways connect the emotions to
sexuality. The pericardium is often referred to as the protector of the
heart, linking emotions to the genitals.)
A person's body can become sexually unresponsive due to past
wounds from childhood sexual abuse, incest, rape, forceful male
fingering and entry, premature intercourse, saying yes when no is
Walk into your terror
to learn its nature. It
will be less painful if
you do not turn away.
Stay with the feeling
itself, with no attempt
to give it structure. It is
structure that causes
terror, not experience.
You will see.
influence more often
than not places a woman
in a position in which
she must adapt, sub
limate, inhibit, or even
distort her natural
capacity to function
sexually in order to
fulfill her genetically
assigned role. Herein
lies the source of
and Virginia Johnson
Human Sexual Inadequacy
||meant, guilty masturbation, abortion, cesarean section, or
Social pressures can hit women especially hard. A woman may feel
driven to fake an orgasm to please her mate's ego. Fearing that her
partner will feel responsible for her nonorgasmic condition, she may
settle for an inauthentic sexual relationship rather than upset him or
risk losing him. She may also not want to appear aggressive or selfish
in asking for what feels good.
Of course, inhibited sexual desire may also result from physical
problems. Painful intercourse may have a medical cause, such as
pelvic endometriosis or ligamental tears that occurred during child
birth, so it is important for a woman who experiences it to be exam
ined by a doctor.
To determine whether their inhibited sexual desire has an organic
cause, men and women should begin by asking themselves the
Are you able to bring yourself to orgasm?
Are you more likely to have an orgasm on vacation?
Are there certain partners, environments, or circumstances that
cause you to experience orgasm without effort?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably do not
have a physical problem. Your sexual discomfort may be due to stress
or an emotional cause, which can be healed over time through a
combination of supportive, somatic psychotherapy and regular pri
vate acupressure sessions.
Sexual unresponsiveness may be the body's wisdom speaking.
When a person feels deeply supported, safe, and able to trust another
human being, the body often rediscovers its sexual responsiveness.
Even if you have a loving partner, self-healing is the most impor
tant element in overcoming inhibited sexual desire. Focus on the
Learn the basics about your sexual responses and the techniques for
deriving sexual satisfaction.
Take Responsibility for Your Body
Explore the Acupressure Points
Use acupressure on the points that benefit the sexual-reproductive
system. These points are presented in Chapters 6 and 7. Also practice
the daily stretches in Chapter 3, increasing your self-awareness and healing.
Celebrate Your Body
Let go of your "nonsexual" image of yourself. We are all sexual; it is
part of being alive. Spend time bathing, touching, being touched, and
enjoying your sexuality.
Give Pleasure to Your Body
"When you can do kindly things to yourself then you know what it is
to be able to love yourself," notes Gary Zukav in Seat of the Soul Sex
therapists recommend that people with inhibited sexual desire
achieve sexual pleasure through self-stimulation before engaging with
a partner. If the person has tremendous guilt about masturbation, this
work can be especially difficult.
Feel Good About Your Body
Self-consciousness can lead to obsessive criticism of your own sexual
performance. You may be self-conscious about sounds, intimate
expressions, and even body movements. It is crucial to let go of such
self-consciousness, of irrational obsessions and harsh judgments
about your body (about thinness, for example). The exercises and
stretches throughout this book will enable you to feel better about
your body and thus decrease your self-consciousness.
Discover Your Sexual Preferences
Pleasure yourself in order to learn what is sexually arousing to you.
Get to know your genitals. Experiment with a variety of touches
(light stroking, teasing, gentle rubbing, firm rubbing) until you know
what pleases your body most.
Cultivate an Appreciation for Your Partner
Acknowledge the value of your relationship. Take a moment to
express gratitude for the qualities, actions, and attitudes that you
appreciate about your partner. Acknowledge the qualities and habits
of your partner that attract you to him or her.
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