Acupressure For Lovers Excerpts

Inhibited Sexual Desire


Inhibited sexual desire is simply the inability to enjoy normal sexual activities. It affects both men and women. Until recently, the condition was popularly known as "frigidity," which is now recognized as an inappropriate term. As the American Medical Association notes in its Encyclopedia of Medicine, "The term has been used almost exclusively with reference to women and is now being discouraged because of its negative connotations—blaming a woman for something that may exist only in the mind of her partner." The Encyclopedia also distinguishes between inhibited sexual desire and anorgasmia—failure to achieve orgasm.


Inhibited sexual desire is often the result of sexual wounds. Once any part of your body is wounded, it becomes vulnerable and hyper sensitive, needing extreme protection. During the initial state of shock, the muscles, tendons, and ligaments surrounding the area tense up as a protective response. Often this constriction remains long after the physical wound heals. The scars can hamper the body for years. Therapeutic massage and bodywork, along with counseling or therapy, can release the chronic tension.


When a man or woman is sexually wounded, the trauma may affect both body and mind. This is because there is a strong connection between the genitals and emotions, a link acknowledged in traditional Chinese medicine for thousands of years. (Practitioners of traditional Chinese medicine note that the kidney, pericardium, and triple warmer energy pathways connect the emotions to sexuality. The pericardium is often referred to as the protector of the heart, linking emotions to the genitals.)


A person's body can become sexually unresponsive due to past wounds from childhood sexual abuse, incest, rape, forceful male fingering and entry, premature intercourse, saying yes when no is


Walk into your terror to learn its nature. It will be less painful if you do not turn away. Stay with the feeling itself, with no attempt to give it structure. It is structure that causes terror, not experience. You will see.

(Pat Rodegast)  

Socio-cultural influence more often than not places a woman in a position in which she must adapt, sub limate, inhibit, or even distort her natural capacity to function sexually in order to fulfill her genetically assigned role. Herein lies the source of women's sexual dysfunction.

—William Masters
and Virginia Johnson

Human Sexual Inadequacy
  meant, guilty masturbation, abortion, cesarean section, or hysterectomy.


Social pressures can hit women especially hard. A woman may feel driven to fake an orgasm to please her mate's ego. Fearing that her partner will feel responsible for her nonorgasmic condition, she may settle for an inauthentic sexual relationship rather than upset him or risk losing him. She may also not want to appear aggressive or selfish in asking for what feels good.


Of course, inhibited sexual desire may also result from physical problems. Painful intercourse may have a medical cause, such as pelvic endometriosis or ligamental tears that occurred during child birth, so it is important for a woman who experiences it to be exam ined by a doctor.


To determine whether their inhibited sexual desire has an organic cause, men and women should begin by asking themselves the following questions:

  • Are you able to bring yourself to orgasm?
  • Are you more likely to have an orgasm on vacation?
  • Are there certain partners, environments, or circumstances that cause you to experience orgasm without effort?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably do not have a physical problem. Your sexual discomfort may be due to stress or an emotional cause, which can be healed over time through a combination of supportive, somatic psychotherapy and regular pri vate acupressure sessions.


Sexual unresponsiveness may be the body's wisdom speaking. When a person feels deeply supported, safe, and able to trust another human being, the body often rediscovers its sexual responsiveness.


Even if you have a loving partner, self-healing is the most impor tant element in overcoming inhibited sexual desire. Focus on the following:

Take Responsibility for Your Body

Learn the basics about your sexual responses and the techniques for deriving sexual satisfaction.

Explore the Acupressure Points
Use acupressure on the points that benefit the sexual-reproductive system. These points are presented in Chapters 6 and 7. Also practice the daily stretches in Chapter 3, increasing your self-awareness and healing.

  Celebrate Your Body
Let go of your "nonsexual" image of yourself. We are all sexual; it is part of being alive. Spend time bathing, touching, being touched, and enjoying your sexuality.

Give Pleasure to Your Body

"When you can do kindly things to yourself then you know what it is to be able to love yourself," notes Gary Zukav in Seat of the Soul Sex therapists recommend that people with inhibited sexual desire achieve sexual pleasure through self-stimulation before engaging with a partner. If the person has tremendous guilt about masturbation, this work can be especially difficult.

Feel Good About Your Body
Self-consciousness can lead to obsessive criticism of your own sexual performance. You may be self-conscious about sounds, intimate expressions, and even body movements. It is crucial to let go of such self-consciousness, of irrational obsessions and harsh judgments about your body (about thinness, for example). The exercises and stretches throughout this book will enable you to feel better about your body and thus decrease your self-consciousness.

Discover Your Sexual Preferences

Pleasure yourself in order to learn what is sexually arousing to you. Get to know your genitals. Experiment with a variety of touches (light stroking, teasing, gentle rubbing, firm rubbing) until you know what pleases your body most.

Cultivate an Appreciation for Your Partner
Acknowledge the value of your relationship. Take a moment to express gratitude for the qualities, actions, and attitudes that you appreciate about your partner. Acknowledge the qualities and habits of your partner that attract you to him or her.

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